Title: Restoration
Series: Ignore alien orders
Writer: P E Leody
SYNOPIS: AN ASTRONAUT RETURNS TO EARTH TO FIND IT HAS BEEN SERVED WITH AN ISBO DICTATING STRICT BEHAVIOUR IT MUST FOLLOW. HE MISTAKES THIS FOR AN ALIEN INVASION AND AGREES TO A STUPID MACHO COURSE OF ACTION
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Caption: WEEKLY MEETING OF THE LOCAL YOUNG SCIENTISTS GROUP
GEEK: EVA SUIT COMPLETE TO SPECIFICATIONS
GEEK: MODEL TESTING CONFIRMS LAUNCH SITE ALIGNMENT TO ISO 9001
GEEK: LEASE ACQUIRED ON RF CHANNELS
CAPTAIN: OK TEAM
Caption: ENGLAND JOINS THE SPACE RACE, NOT IN PERSONNEL BUT IN SITES USED FOR ROCKET LAUNCHES. CENTRAL SUBURBIA HAS SEEN NOTHING LIKE IT. IN AN ENGLISH RURAL GARDEN
CAPTAIN: LETS DO THIS
Caption: TICKET VALID FOR OUTWARD JOURNEY ONLY
Caption: PLEASE RETAIN THIS TICKET FOR THE RETURN JOURNEY. TICKET VALID FOR 3 DECADES ONLY
Caption: CROYDON WE HAVE A PROBLEM, I CAN'T SEE THE ALPHA LANDING SITE, THE BOATING LAKE HAS DISAPPEARED, IN FACT THE WHOLE TOWN LOOKS WEIRD
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CAPTAIN: MISSION CONTROL? LADS? CALLING 6QMNMQ, AM HEADING FOR THE COAST, CALL THE COAST GUARD, AND MAKE SURE NEWSROUND IS THERE TO COVER THIS HISTORIC EVENT
CAPTAIN: WE CAN PUT A MAN ON THE MOON BUT WE CAN'T KEEP SAND OUT OF HERMETICALLY SEALED BOOTS
CAPTAIN: NO WONDER THE CYBERMEN JUST SPRAY PAINTED DMS
NATIVES: WE ARE NOT WORTHY, WE ARE NOT WORTHY
CAPTAIN: I THINK DEIFYING ME IS TAKING THE SURREY SUSSEX RIVALRY A BIT TOO FAR
NATIVES: WHERE'S YOUR PASS STRANGER
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CAPTAIN: PASS, THIS IS MY PLANET LOOK I'LL SHOW YOU, EXCUSE THE ODOUR RAN OUT OF ROLL-ON NEAR NEPTUNE
CAPTAIN: MIND YOU THESE SHORTS HAVE NOT BEEN WRUNG OUT SINCE THE TROUSERS COLOUR CHANGING TAKEOFF
NATIVES: LOOKS LIKES ONE OF US, SMELLS LIKE ONE OF US, SWEATS LIKE SOME OF US, BUT OBVIOUSLY NORTH OF THE M25 RIVER
NATIVES: MOSTLY CONVINCING OF ALL IS YOU CLAIMING YOU'RE ONE OF US, NO ONE BUT US WANTS TO BE US
NATIVES: TREAT THE PLACE LIKE YOUR OWN HOME, BUT WASH MORE
Caption: WELCOME TO NU-BRIGHTON, NOW ACTUALLY DIVORCED FROM HOVE
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CAPTAIN: NU-BRIGHTON, WHAT HAPPENED TO OLD BRIGHTON, IT HAD JUST ACHIEVED TOWN STATUS LAST I KNEW
CHIEF: IT HAS BEEN REMADE TO CONFORM TO THE RULES OF THE ENFORCERS
CAPTAIN: THE ENFORCERS?
CHIEF: YOU HAVE BEEN AWAY A LONG TIME, WE DO EXACTLY AS THEY SAY TO THE LETTER, THAT WAY THERE WILL BE NO MORE TROUBLE
CAPTAIN: YOU SURRENDERED 3G, BROADBAND, DIGITAL SATELLITE TV AND THE DR WHO EXHIBITION FOR FRESH FISH?
CHIEF: WE HAD NO CHOICE, THEY YIELD UNIMAGINABLE POWER
SHADOW: SSSH NOT ALL OF US ARE HAPPY WITH THE WAY THINGS ARE
SHADOW: WE NEED A MAN LIKE YOU TO LEAD US OUT OF THIS OPPRESSION
SHADOW: WE'LL GET YOU A HORSE, YOU SEEK AN AUDIENCE WITH THE ENFORCERS
SHADOW: WE'LL PACK A LITTLE ATOMIC SURPRISE IN CASE THE AUDIENCE TURNS INTO HARD NEGOTIATIONS
SHADOW: THE ENFORCERS HAVE TAKEN RESIDENCE IN OLD LONDON, YOU CAN'T MISS IT, IT'S THE ONLY MAN MADE STRUCTURE VISIBLE FROM SPACE
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CAPTAIN: TAKE ME TO YOUR.. AHEM.. LEADER
SERF: A COMEDIAN, UNFORTUNATELY SIR THE POST OF ENCAMPMENT JESTER WAS FILLED YESTERDAY, UNLESS HE WENT A BIT POLITICAL LAST NIGHT
CAPTAIN: I SEEK AN AUDIENCE WITH THE ENFORCERS
SERF: LEAVE YOUR HORSE HERE SIR JUST KEEP WALKING AND THEY'LL FIND YOU
ALIEN: GREETINGS
CAPTAIN: LIVE LONG AND PROSPER?
ALIEN: DIDN'T THE SERF TELL YOU THE POST OF JESTER HAS BEEN FILLED
CAPTAIN: I SEEK AN AUDIENCE
ALIEN: TO RECAP YOUR PLANET, EARTH WAS SERVED WITH AN INTERGALACTIC SOCIAL BEHAVIOUR ORDER FOR ENVIRONMENTAL POLLUTION AND DISRESPECT TO YOUR NEIGHBOURS. YOU FAILED TO COMPLY AND AS A RESULT YOUR TECHNOLOGY LEVEL WAS GROUND BACK. YOU WERE LUCKY, IF WE'D FOUND WEAPONS OF MASS OR MINOR DESTRUCTION YOUR RACE WOULD HAVE BEEN EVICTED.
SERF: EXCUSE ME SIRS I FOUND THIS IN THE VISITORS BACKPACK
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