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| no such place | No Such Place | 1/5 | on 80303 | at punding.com |

Title: No Such Place

Series: No such place

Writer: P E Leody

SYNOPIS: ANDY RETURNS TO ENGLAND AFTER AN UNEXPLAINED 10 YEAR ABSENCE AND IS MET BY AN OLD FRIEND MOLEY, WHO ONLY FILLS HIM IN ON SOME OF THE EVENTS THAT HAVE HAPPENED

PAGE 1

A hand plays a Dbm barre chord on an electric guitar neck

Sfx: KWERWOW.... KERCLUNK, KWERWOW.... KERCLUNK, KWERWOW.... KERCLUNK

A tempestuous fire

ANDY: #WHERE TEMPESTUOUS INFERNAL FIRES BURN. YOU'RE EVER THE OBJECT OF DAMNING SCORN

A fierce portcullis

THURSDAY: #NO SUCH PLACE

STUART: #NO SUCH PLACE

Andy singing into a microphone with a very large open mouth

ANDY: #BRIGHT SHINNING LIGHTS THAT NO SHADOW CAN IGNORE. EVER POLISHED BRASS ORNAMENTS ON HEAVY DOORS

A peaceful waterfall

THURSDAY: #NO SUCH PLACE

STUART: #NO SUCH PLACE

A bright red cylindrical postbox

ANDY: #ABNORMAL HIGH POST-BOX WHERE WE MET. THAT CRUMBLING WALL WHICH FELL AS WE SAT

An guitar amp fizzes then goes quiet

THURSDAY: #THERE'S JUST ME

STUART: #THERE'S JUST ME

ANDY: #AND THE MEMORY OF YOU

PAGE 2

Andy carrying a guitar case, he is in shadow seen from the back

Sfx: IT IS 11:00 AM. WE ARE CURRENTLY RUNNING AHEAD OF SCHEDULE

Andy appears in a doorway it is a squeeze to get the guitar through he is still in shadow

Sfx: WE WISH TO INVITE THOSE HOLDING ANY COLOUR CARDS TO PROCEED TO THE DISEMBARKATION POINTS

Andy walks through the door across gangway, he is heavily bearded the guitar case is angled to get through the narrow gap

Sfx: THANK YOU FOR TRAVELLING WITH US AND WE HOPE TO SEE YOU AGAIN SOON

Reveal shot of a huge cruise liner that is moored in a dock. At the rear end is the gang plank Andy has just travelled. A mid sized Andy is walking towards a van driven by Moley which is big in the foreground

MOLEY: OVER HERE MR ANDY

ANDY: MOLEY, GOOD TO SEE YOU MATE

PAGE 3

Andy prepares to climb up into the passenger van seat, Moley opens the door from his side and invites him in

ANDY: NOT BEEN WAITING LONG?

MOLEY: 10 YEARS

ANDY: I MEANT WAITING THIS MORNING

MOLEY: WELL SECURITY LET US TO THE VIP PARKING FIRST THING, BEEN MAKING A PACKET FERRYING PASSENGERS TO THE TRAIN STATION, NONE OF THE REGULAR TAXIS CAN FIT THEIR BAGGAGE IN

ANDY: WHERE AS SIGOURNEY HAS NEVER LET US DOWN

Looking in the front of the van Moley driving, Andy in the passenger seat

ANDY: SO HOW ARE YOU

MOLEY: BUSY, BUSY

ANDY: IAN?

MOLEY: STILL DRINKING, STILL DRUMMING, NOT CUT HIS HAIR

ANDY: STUART?

MOLEY: YOU KNOW, STILL MR STUART

ANDY: YES, JENNY?

MOLEY: GOT A GOOD JOB AS A RADIO DJ, DOES HER OWN GIGS YOU KNOW?

ANDY: YOU WITH HER

MOLEY: NO ME, I JUST HEARD

ANDY: WHY WOULDN'T SHE WANT THE BEST SOUND ENGINEER

MOLEY: DON'T KNOW, HAVEN'T SEEN HER

The van tears off down the motorway view for the hard shoulder

ANDY: YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO COME IF YOU WERE SO BUSY

MOLEY: I LOOK AFTER YOU MR ANDY

ANDY: YES MOLEY, YOU'RE MORE THAN I DESERVE

MOLEY: I MAKE SURE YOU'RE ALL FINE, INCLUDING THOSE YOU DON'T ASK ME ABOUT

PAGE 4

Andy and Moley eat a meal in a transport cafe

MOLEY: YOU'LL BE USED TO 7 COURSE MEALS, THIS MUST BE A BIT OF A COMEDOWN

ANDY: ONLY THE CIVILIANS DO THAT, TO LAST THE COURSE YOU GOT TO FIND A RHYTHM

MOLEY: YOU'VE NOT PUT ON MUCH WEIGHT, I MEAN HARDLY ANY

ANDY: 10 YEARS IN THE WILDERNESS DOES THAT TO YOU

A shot of the cafe the pair are eating. In front he outside the van is parked

ANDY: I EXPECT THINGS HAVE CHANGED, PEOPLE MOVED ON

MOLEY: ITS A LONG JOURNEY THAT DOESN'T AND TURN

ANDY: DO THEY REMEMBER ME?

MOLEY: JENNY'S YOUR SISTER SHE WOULD NEVER FORGET

ANDY: AND THE BAND?

MOLEY: YOUR NAME HAS BEEN CROPPING UP RECENTLY

ANDY: IN TERMS OF NOSTALGIA OR VOODOO EFFIGIES?

MOLEY: SOME THINGS CHANGE, SOME STAY THE SAME, SOME YOU CAN HOLD, SOME YOU MUST LET GO

A wide shot of the cafe by the motorway with cars zooming by

MOLEY: WHATCHA GOT PLANNED

ANDY: NOTHING I JUST WANTED TO COME HOME

MOLEY: OH YOU'RE COMING UP TO 30?

ANDY: YES

MOLEY: I KNOW A BAND WHO NEED A NEW GUITAR TECH

ANDY: I'VE A FEW IRONS IN THE FIRE, THANKS

MOLEY: YOU'LL SOON MISS IT, THE BUZZ, THE THRILL, THE APPLAUSE

ANDY: HASN'T BEEN A DAY GONE BY WHEN I HAVEN'T

PAGE 5

The van pulls up at Andy's flat. It hides a poster saying 'Live In Concert'

MOLEY: HERE YOU ARE HOME SWEET, YOU KNOW. JENNY'S BEEN KEEPING IT CLEAN

ANDY: THAT'S UNLIKE HER

MOLEY: SHE MOVED OUT TO BE NEARER HER JOB, SO SHE'S BEEN CALLING BACK, CLEARING THE POST, BANKING THE ROYALTY CHEQUE. THERE'S A COMPLETE COLLECTION OF THE GUARDIAN YOU NEVER CANCELLED TO READ. ITS CHANGED FORMAT YOU KNOW

Out of the back of the van Moley hands Andy another guitar.

MOLEY: I KEPT THIS FOR YOU, DESPITE THE UPSURGENCE OF EBAY

ANDY: EBAY

MOLEY: ONLINE CAR BOOT SALE

ANDY: WHO'D PAY FOR THIS

MOLEY: OH THEY BUY ANYTHING, BUT NOT AT THE VALUE IT HOLDS FOR YOU. I SERVICED IT, KEPT IT PLAYED IN, STILL SOUNDS LIKE IT DID THE DAY YOU GOT IT

ANDY: CHEAP AND PLASTICY

MOLEY: SENTIMENT WHO CAN BEAT IT

The Van pulls away and reveals the poster

MOLEY: SEE YA MR ANDY I'VE GOT TO GET TO WORK, WE'VE REALLY SMALL MOBILE PHONES NOW

ANDY: CHEERS MATE I'VE BEEN AWAY NOT IN SUSPENDED ANIMATION

The poster says 'Live In Concert- Reformed indie sensation 'TERRACED ECLIPSES''

ANDY: NOT YOUR FAULT MATE, I SUPPOSE I DIDN'T ASK IF THEY BAND HAD REFORMED.

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