Title: Tis The Season To be July
Series: Chronicle
Writer: P E Leody
SYNOPIS: WRITTEN IN JULY TO BE READ AT CHRISTMAS. I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT WHILST YOU'RE LOOKING FOR AN EXIT FROM IT
PAGE 1
Caption: ITS THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN, THE FAMILY GATHERS ROUND FOR FEUDING, OVER EATING AND REMINISCING
Caption: PRESENTS ARE EXCHANGED THERE ARE SURPRISES, DISAPPOINTMENTS, EMBARRASSMENTS AND MONETARY EXCHANGES FOR THOSE WITH LITTLE IMAGINATION
Caption: CHRISTMAS CAROLS ARE SUNG, FAVOURITE OLD TIME SONGS, NO ONE KNOWS BEING THE FIRST VERSE AND THE TONE DEAFNESS GENE IS MOMENTARILY IGNORED
Caption: THE CLEAN UP PROCESS CONTINUES SIMULTANEOUSLY NOT MANY OF THE UTENSILS FIT IN THE CONVENTIONAL DISH WASHER, LIKE A DECENT SIZED TURKEY DOESN'T FIT IN AN OVEN
Caption: AN AFTER DINNER STROLL TO WALK OFF THE INDIGESTION AND TO WORK UP THE JUICES FOR THE UP AND COMING SANDWICHES
Caption: MOTHER CURLS UP TO WATCH THE TV, NO CHRISTMAS HAMPER ADVERTS FOR NEXT YEAR HERE. IT IS ONLY JUNE 25TH CHRISTMAS IS MUCH MORE ENJOYABLE IN THE SUMMER NO STRAIN, AND THE SHOPPING CHANNELS ARE STILL FULL OF CHRISTMAS STOCK
PAGE 2
Caption: TIME FOR A BARBY, NONE OF THIS GAS WITH LAVA ROCK AND COAL FLAVOURINGS MALARKEY. PROPER CHARCOAL, BURNT UNDERCOOKED PORK, HARD SOLE LIKE BURGERS AND A MIX UP WITH THE VEGETABLE AND CHICKEN KEBABS
Caption: OUT COME THE COCKTAILS, A JUG OF BLUE CURACO, VODKA AND LEMONADE. SORT OF MADE IT UP REALLY. THEY ALL COMMENT ON HOW STRONG IT IS, NOT THAT THE CURACO IS AN ORANGE EXTRACT AND IS BLUE
Caption: THEN AFTER THE MEAL A MILD SPORT TO CLEAR THE HEAD, GET THE GASTRIC JUICES ON THE BADLY COOKED FOOD AND PREPARE FOR MORE DRINKING
Caption: SOME SAY GOOD BYES EARLY, THE HAVE WORK TOMORROW
Caption: SOME DON'T AND DON'T
Caption: THE PARASOL KEEPING THE RAIN OFF IS LOWERED TO ADD MORE LIGHT. IT GETS DARK AT 16:00, IT'S DECEMBER 25TH AND IT'S THE BEST TIME FOR BARBECUE, NO WASPS, NO SUNSTROKE, NO COOLING NEEDED ON BEER
PAGE 3
Caption: YOU ONCE MADE AN OFF THE CUFF REMARK ABOUT WANTING A GAS BARBECUE FOR A PRESENT MANY YEARS AGO. THIS YEAR IT SEEMS THE GAME IS UP.
HUSBAND: YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
Caption: BUT WHAT JOYS IT'S A PATIO HEATER
HUSBAND: NO YOU *REALLY* SHOULDN'T HAVE
Caption: THERE'S PINK GAS AND BLUE GAS. THEY ARE DIFFERENT AT DIFFERENT PRESSURES YET DO THE SAME THING. THEY EACH HAVE A DIFFERENT REGULATOR. TO SIMPLIFY THIS THEY HAVE INTRODUCE GREEN GAS THAT HAS THE GAS OF ONE AND THE REGULATOR OF THE OTHER
Caption: A FEW HOURS LATER AND 25% MORE OF THE COST OF THE ITEM AND IT'S UP AND RUNNING, HURRAY
WIFE: THIS IS ONLY FOR USE IN WARM WEATHER, NOT FOR COLD, AND EVEN THEN IT MUST BE COVERED WITH A... COVER THAT IS AVAILABLE FOR AN EXTRA COST. DURING COLD WEATHER IT MUST BE BROUGHT IN.
Caption: ITS TO HIGH TO FIT IN ANYWHERE BUT THE GARAGE ON IT'S SIDE. THE BOTTLE MUST NOT BE STORED WITH IT AND NOT INSIDE. AND WHAT DO YOU GET FOR ALL OF THIS. SOMETHING THAT HEATS THE ATMOSPHERE ALL OF IT, DOH
PAGE 4
Caption: AT WORK THEY HAVE FREE HOT WATER
Caption: AT WORK THEY HAVE FREE HEATING
Caption: AT WORK THEY HAVE SECURE, FREE PARKING
Caption: FREE STATIONARY, ANYTHING YOU WANT ON NEXT DAY ORDER, EXCEPT YELLOW STICKY NOTES THEY ARE TOO EXPENSIVE
Caption: AT WORK THEY HAVE A LARGE VARIETY OF CHEAP, HOT AND PROFESSIONALLY COOKED MEALS
Caption: YET FROM ALL THESE LUXURIES WHEN IT REACHES THAT TIME ALL DRIVE IN THE DARK, THROUGH THE FOG, QUEUING IN THE SLUSH TO A WINGEING, FEUDING FAMILY
PAGE 5
Caption: DOWN UNDER THEY SURF ON CHRISTMAS DAY
Caption: HERE WE MOSTLY WADE
Caption: THE LEGENDARY CHRISTMAS RATING WARS BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN PROGRAMMING ON TV
Caption: PUBS SERVE HOT TODDIES TO WARM THE COCKLES MORE THAN THE ALCOHOL THEY CONTAIN
Caption: THE SANDWICH TOASTER MAKES IT'S ANNUAL APPEARANCE TO COOK A WHOLE MEAL FROM LEFTOVERS IN A SARNY
Caption: EVEN MALTY DRINKS ARE IN FASHION WITH THE CORRECT TIPPLE ADDED
Caption: ACROSS THE POND THE CHRISTMAS SHOP THAT STOCKS WHAT IT SAYS, SUDDENLY COMES BACK INTO STYLE AND IS NOT SOME TOURIST WEIRD MUST SEE. ITS HAS A GOOD BUSINESS PLAN AND NEED NEVER HAVE SALES
Caption: WORKERS FRUSTRATINGLY PLAN THEIR CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS ON SCRAPS OF PAPER EVERY SEEKING THE UNIQUE PRODUCT NONE ELSE IN THE CLOSE WILL HAVE
Caption: YOU'RE READING THIS AT CHRISTMAS, YOU'RE SICK OF IT, YOU WANT THE YELLOW DAFFODILS OF SPRING, WARMTH, A HOLIDAY, BACK TO WORK. BUT HERE IT'S JULY I HEAR TUBULAR BELLS IN A SONG AND I CAN'T WAIT FOR IT
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