Title: Odds Good Evens Bad
Series: Chronicle
Writer: P E Leody
SYNOPIS: ANOTHER YEAR, YET ANOTHER CHAV CHALET, WHAT'S THE APPEAL
PAGE 1
Caption: PEOPLE WORRY TOO MUCH ABOUT WHEN BABIES LEARN TO SMILE, CRAWL, WALK THEN SPEAK. AS MY MOTHER SAYS YOU NEVER SEE ANY KIDS IN SCHOOL IN NAPPIES.
Caption: AND AS SURE AS EGGS IS EGGS, NO MY MOTHER NEVER SAID THAT, WINTER TURNS TO SPRING, MOON MORNINGS ARE REPLACED BY BRIGHT CHEERFUL DAYS
Caption: THE SIGNS OF ONCOMING SUMMER ARE SUBTLE, SLOWLY THAT AIR CONDITIONER KNOB GETS TURNED FROM HEATER TO FREEZER
Caption: THE ONCE DEFINING YELLOW FROST BREAKING DAFFODILS WILT AND THEIR LEAVES ONCE PROUD TO HERALD THE NEW YEAR MUST BE LEFT FOR SIX WEEKS TO WITHER AND BLIGHT THE GARDEN
Caption: SOME SAY THE FIRST SIGN OF SUMMER IS WHEN YOU HAVE TO REVIVE THE LAWN MOWER TO CUT THE ERRANT GRASS THAT HAS COMFORTABLY SURVIVED THE WINTER
Caption: FOR OTHERS IT'S SIMPLE, SUMMER STARTS WHEN IT'S 'DAY ONE IN THE CHAV CHALET HOVEL'
PAGE 2
Caption: THE HOVEL THIS YEAR HAS BEEN UNDER INTENSE DESIGN SCRUTINY. A COAT STAND CONFRONTS THE WANNABES, IT'S BEAUTIFUL CARVED ANTLERS SAY WELCOME WHILST IT'S BASE OF A SAWN OFF ELEPHANT FOOT SAYS, THIS YEAR BRO GETS NASTY
Caption: THE DESIGNER TABLE LOOKS LIKE THE CENTRE PIECE FOR A FAMILY MEAL, BUT THE CHAIRS ARE TOO HARD AND TOO SMALL FOR COMFORT, THIS IS WILL BE THE CATALYST FOR CONFRONTATIONS
Caption: THERE IS JUST THE ONE SLEEPING AREA, WITH NO VENTILATION, DIRTY LAUNDRY, SWEATY NIGHTS AND LACK OF BEDS THEY'LL BE NO FUN IN HERE WHERE THE CAMERAS ARE ONLY IN BLACK AND WHITE
Caption: THE SHOWER AND TOILER ARE OUTSIDE AND MADE OF PERSPEX. HOVEL MITES ARE REQUIRED TO USE BOTH REGULARLY AND PASS INSPECTIONS OF CLEANLINESS WITH DEPOSITS BEING LOGGED
Caption: AND FINALLY THE DREARY ROOM EQUIPPED WITH THE CHAIR. THE SOURCE OF ALL LICE, BED BUGS AND FLEAS AND THAT HOVEL MITES THINK IT'S THEIR ONLY PLACER OF SANCTUARY
PAGE 3
Caption: ONE BY ONE THE HOPEFULS DESCEND HOPING TO EMERGE 10 WEEKS LATER AS PLAYERS RATHER AN THAN HAS BEENS
Caption: AS THEY ENTER BY AGE THEN SEXUAL AMBIGUITY THEY FORM A TENTATIVE COLONY AS THEY TRY TO REMEMBER EACH OTHERS NAMES. SOME COSTUMES MAKE THEM MEMORABLE FOR OTHERS IT'S WHAT THEY'VE FORGOTTEN TO WEAR THAT STICKS
Caption: EVENTUALLY AFTER TIME, SMALLER GROUPS EVOLVE, BASED ON CONFLICT, IGNORANCE, MOIST PREFERENCES AND WEIRDNESS OF SUPPORT FOR MAINSTREAM SPORTS
Caption: IF THE RESEARCHERS HAVE DONE THEIR JOB PROPERLY THEY WILL BE COUPLING OFF TO FORCE OPINIONS APART AND TACTICAL VOTING TO DRAWN THEM IN CLOSE
Caption: FOR THE FIRST SEMESTER THE HOVEL MITES WILL RESIDE SOLELY IN BOXES ONLY ABLE TO COMMUNICATE BY ANIMAL NOISES. WHAT THEY DON'T REALISE IS THE BOXES ALSO HOUSE THE ANIMALS THEY HAVE TO IMPERSONATE, AND THEY ARE ALL IN SEASON. IF THEY LEAVE THE BOX THEY ARE OUT.
MOTHER: MORE ANIMAL FARM THAT 1984
BOY: WHAT'S ANIMAL FARM
FATHER: ITS LIKE THOSE WHAT YOUR MOTHER FOUND UNDER YOUR BED, INIT
PAGE 4
Caption: SO SUMMER GRAZES THROUGH IT'S CYCLE BLISSFULLY UNAWARE IT'S BRILLIANCE IS BEING IGNORED
Caption: A MALE BRIT WINS WIMBLE DON AND ALL THEY REMEMBER IS IT RAINED FOR A WEEK
Caption: THE FINAL PART OF 6-PART SPACE EPIC, 30 YEARS IN THE MAKING, IS PREMIERED WITH DIGITAL PROJECTION IN THE THX CINEMA AND NO ONE BLINKS
Caption: AN AMERICAN BACK FROM DEATHS DOORS CYCLES WITH PURE DETERMINATION UP HILL AND DALE ROUND FRANCE TO WIN FOR A RECORD BREAKING 7TH TIME AND MAKES IT LOOK EFFORTLESS
Caption: A GROUP OF CONVICTS EXILED TO THE FAR SHORES RETURNS TO BEST THE UK AT IT'S MOST TRADITIONAL SPORT, ALL FOR A FEW BITS OF BURNT WOOD. THEY ARE TRASHED AND NOBODY CLAPS
Caption: AND A CONCERT 21 YEARS ON FROM AN ORIGINAL TAKES PART IN A PARK, TICKETS GIVEN AWAY FREE YET STILL MAKING MILLIONS, THEIR SALE IS BANNED FROM THE INTERWEB, THE ORIGINAL VENUE, THE NATIONAL STADIUM IS IN PIECES AND LOOKS LIKE IT WILL NEVER BE REBUILT
MOTHER: SO YOU WANT PIZZA, YEAH THAT CRISPY DUCK ONE IT'S PURE CLASS
BOY: SEE IF THEY'LL POP IN THE OFFY FOR US
FATHER: I BET YOU A DUKIES BRACELET THEY WON'T
PAGE 5
Caption: EVENTUALLY AFTER FIGHTS, TEARS AND BEERS THE WINNER EMERGES TO COLLECT A SMALL PORTION OF THE MONEY MADE PHONE VOTING.
FISH 1: I MEAN OCCASIONAL FOOD, STARVING THEN ABUNDANCE
FISH 2: LACK OF CLEANING, NATURAL HABITAT, TURNED INTO A PIG STY
FISH 1: WHOEVER COULD BE PUT UP WITH BEING WATCHED ALL DAY, FROM ANY ANGLE, NO PRIVACY
FISH 2: 7 YEARS AGO NO-ONE WOULD HAVE BELIEVED THIS, NOW IT'S ALL SCIENCE STRANGER THAN FICTION, IT ISN'T FUNNY COS IT'S TRUE
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