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| all's right with the crew | 10 The Kipper And The Corpse | 1/5 | on 60213 | at punding.com |

Title: 10 The Kipper And The Corpse

Series: All's right with the crew

Writer: P E Leody

SYNOPIS: DOC LOOTS A COUNCIL SITE OF ANTIQUE ARTIFACTS AND GETS THE SITE BOGGED DOWN IN AN ARCHITECTURAL DIG. THE CREW HAVE TO ESCAPE JAIL, GET THEIR JOBS BACK AND FINISH THE CAR PARK THEY WERE BUILDING ON TIME.

PAGE 1


1 
A football like bomb being placed on what looks to be a penalty spot

DOCWHATSON: WITH SECONDS TO GO THE HOME TEAM ARE AWARDED A PENALTY


2 
The penalty kick is taken by Doc's Machine. GentleSven's Machine is goal keeping between a huge makeshift goal

DOCWHATSON: THEY THINK IT'S ALL OVER


3 
The ball sails over the head of GentleSven

GENTLESVEN: IT IS NOW ITS, IT'S OVER THE BAR


4 
The ball sails past GentleSven down a huge pit

GENTLESVEN: BUT I'LL GIVE YOU SIX FOR THAT


5 
The ball rests on the bottom of the pit. A large clock can be seen ticking on it

DOCWHATSON: I'LL GET DOWN AND CHECK IT'S IN PLACE


6 
The Crew head for the Transporter in their Machines. Doc's Machine is very lowly sprung

GINGERKAHN: DOC YOU OK, YOU DIDN'T CATCH THE TAIL END OF THOSE CHARGES DID YOU?


7 
Inside Docs cabin is full of treasure

DOCWHATSON: NO BOSS, JUST SPRAINED SOMETHING IN A KICK ABOUT. AND IT'S ALL MINE.

PAGE 2


1 
Down the pub after a hard mornings work the Crew celebrate. TwoEyedJack stands on a table on one leg balancing many pints

CLAMIDIA: SO IT'S BIT LIKE KERPLUNK BUT YOU PUSH THE NEEDLES IN

GINGERKAHN: AND YOU DRINK WHATEVER DROPS


2 
A Kipper arrives on the scene

KIPPER: SALUT, BONJOUR, CIAO, BLASTED EEC REGULATIONS


3 
The scene falls apart. GingerKahn holds the collapsed table on it's side, TwoEyedJack falls to the ground, Clamidia hangs from the ceiling, GentleSven is flat against the wall

GINGERKAHN: CAREFUL THERE OFFICER YOU ALMOST CAUGHT US SOBER AND ORDERLY


4 
The Kipper brandishes his truncheon and handcuffs

KIPPER: I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS

CLAMIDIA: HANDCUFFS I'M GAME

TWOEYEDJACK: IF YOU THROW IN THE TRUNCHEON SO AM I


5 
GingerKahn shows the Kipper his identity

GINGERKAHN: WE'RE COUNCIL EMPLOYEES AND AS SUCH EXEMPT FROM ARREST DURING WORKING OR DRINKING HOURS


6 
The Crew are herded into a kipper van

KIPPER: EXCEPT IN THE CASE OF GRAVE ROBBING

GENTLESVEN: WHAT I DO ON MY OWN TIME...

PAGE 3


1 
Back at base the Crew face a search

KIPPER: WE HAVE A WARRANT HERE TO SEARCH THE PREMISES

GINGERKAHN: OK BUT NO CLEANING


2 
The Kipper opens Doc's locker and finds a haul of antique treasures

KIPPER: HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THIS

GINGERKAHN: EASTER BUNNY?

GENTLESVEN: FATHER CHRISTMAS?

CLAMIDIA: NIGHT SHIFT?

TWOEYEDJACK: PARALLEL UNIVERSE

DOCWHATSON: FENCE ON HOLIDAY?


3 
The Crew in jail

GINGERKAHN: I DON'T BELIEVE IT

DOCWHATSON: THE EXPLOSIONS UNCOVERED THEM


4 
A shadow appears a the door

GINGERKAHN: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US. WITH ALL THE MACHINES WE COULD HAVE PINCHED A LOAD MORE


5 
The shadow at the door is Clamidia

CLAMIDIA: I WENT TO GET THE NEXT ROUND IN AN YOU ENDED UP IN JAIL, YOU EXCLUDE ME FROM EVERYTHING


6 
Clamidia's Machine removes the top from the jail house

CLAMIDIA: A WOMAN'S WORK IS NEVER DONE


7 
The Crew stand next to the jail cell bars, There are now no walls and no roof on the jail block

CLAMIDIA: DON'T JUST STAND THERE CATCHING A COLD. ESCAPE

PAGE 4


1 
The Crew travel in a bus

GENTLESVEN: THE WHEELS ON THE BUS GO ROUND AND ROUND

CLAMIDIA: ROUND AND ROUND

TWOEYEDJACK: ROUND AND ROUND


2 
The bus is actually in space and approaches the planet where they started this adventure now the subject of a architectural dig

GINGERKAHN: REENTRY ROCKETS ON THE BUS GO ON AND OFF

GENTLESVEN: ON AND OFF

CLAMIDIA: ON AND OFF


3 
GingerKahn peers through a square pair on binoculars

GINGERKAHN: SETTLE DOWN FUGITIVES, I CAN SEE THE SITE


4 
The top of the pit featured earlier as a hoarding around and a large number of Porta Cabins

GINGERKAHN: OH NO '!

GENTLESVEN: WHAT IS IT A VISITORS CENTRE?

GINGERKAHN: WORSE

CLAMIDIA: PREFABS?

GINGERKAHN: WORSE

TWOEYEDJACK: NOT PORTA-LOOS


5 
The site is terraced with ladders connecting the terraces

GINGERKAHN: LOOKS LIKE THEY'VE GOT EVERY FACIAL HAIR WEIRDO DIGGING,

TWOEYEDJACK: AT LEAST I CAN GET ANOTHER JOB


6 
Ophelia, an archeologist, at the bottom of the pit, holds up a skull she has found

OPHELIA: BEHOLD THIS SKULL REPRESENTS THE MISSING LINK IN OUR RACES DEVOLUTION


7 
A pan out, shows Ophelia is on TV

OPHELIA: THIS COULD EXPLAIN HOW WE PASSED FROM CIVILISED ANTHROPOLOGISTS TO BARBARIAN MISOGAMISTS

PAGE 5


1 
The Crew back at base talk to their boss, BandanaCustard

BANDANACUSTARD: THE DIG HAS GENERATED SUCH INTEREST, DOC'LL GET A MEDAL NOW, AND YOU'RE ALL RE EMPLOYED


2 
GingerKahn presents a screen of Ophelia showing the skull

GINGERKAHN: TROUBLE IS OUR WORK AINT FINISHED THAT SITE WAS EARMARKED FOR A MUNICIPAL CAR PARK


3 
GentleSven speakers up

GENTLESVEN: SHE ADMITS THAT SKULL IS NOT PURELY HUMAN THEREFORE IT MUST BE ALIEN


4 
The Kipper arrives at the dig in the pit to arrest Ophelia

GENTLESVEN: THEREFORE THE SITE HAS ALIEN REMAINS, WHICH MAKES IT A LEVEL ONE BIO HAZARD

KIPPER: EXCUSE ME MS


5 
Ophelia is led off in a kipper van with her other archeologist

KIPPER: YOU WILL BE QUARANTINED, CHARGED THEN HAVE TO FACE THE COMMITTEE ON ALIEN SYMPATHISERS


6 
The Transporter flies back to the site

GINGERKAHN: NO HURRY TO FINISH UP LADS, THIS IS ON DOUBLE TIME


7 
The Machines loose in the pit

GINGERKAHN: REMEMBER EVERYTHING FOUND IS LEGAL SPOIL. DOC TAKE BACK THOSE BOGUS ALIEN REMAINS TO THE JOKE SHOP

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