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| gm clots | Gentlemen's Bereavement | 1/5 | on 50411 | at punding.com |

Title: Gentlemen's Bereavement

Series: Gm clots

Writer: P E Leody

SYNOPIS: MIKE AND JUDE ARE ASKED BY THE PROFESSOR TO INVESTIGATE A SPACE CRAFT THAT HAS LANDED ON EARTH. USING A TIME TRAVELLATOR THEY BOARD THE CRAFT AND FIND ITS CARGO IS FROZEN HUMAN BODIES. THEY FOLLOW ITS PILOT TO A SPACE STATION WHERE IT SEEMS TO BE CONDUCTING A TRADE IN HUMANS. THEY STEAL THE CRAFT BUT UNABLE TO CONTROL IT STEER IT STRAIGHT INTO A SUN. THEY ESCAPE VIA THE TIME TRAVELLATOR TO BE TOLD THE CARGO WAS ACTUALLY EARTH'S GREATEST MINDS ON AN EXCHANGE VISIT IN SUSPENDED ANIMATION.

PAGE 1


1 
A map of the world. Actually a game of Risk in progress. It looks like an alternative future as some countries belong to strange empires

Caption: IT IS A TIME OF UNREST AND UNCERTAINTY IN EUROPE


2 
Mike pushes a small tray with 3 shots (small glasses) of Ouzo (fire water) on to a table that already has 2 shots of Sambuca (aniseed fire water)

MIKE: MY GRECIAN SUPER SOLDIER ARMY ADVANCES ON YOUR PITIFUL BUNCH OF ITALIAN PEASANTS

JUDE: MY GENETICALLY MODIFIED UBER ROMANS PREPARE TO FIGHT


3 
The war is achieved by a drinks race. Mike raises a first glass of Jude's Sambuca

MIKE: MY GREEKS LAUNCH A FAST FORWARD DEFENSIVE


4 
Jude raises a first glass of Mike's Ouzo

JUDE: MY ROMANS PART TO LET THEM THROUGH AND THEN ENCLOSE THEM IN A VICIOUS PINCER AMBUSH


5 
Mike slams a second glass of Jude's Sambuca on to the table, the contents fly up high, as a phone rings

MIKE: ITS ONLY A DUMMY ATTACK TO DISGUISE THE PACHYDERM CAVALRY

Sfx: RING


6 
The Professor speaks through his headset to the warring pair

PROFESSOR: MIKE, JUDE I'VE GOT A JOB FOR YOU. I'M PICKING UP STRANGE READINGS FROM TRAFALGAR SQUARE, HELLO ARE YOU THERE?

JUDE: THAT'LL BE MY SPECIAL FORCES


7 
Mike drags Jude out of the pub to investigate the Professor's readings. Jude is still trying to finish off the drinks on the table

JUDE: MY ROMANS UNLEASH TRIGAN'S FINEST, THE GIANT RALLUS

MIKE: SO MY PACHYDERMS FLEE TRAMPLING MY TROOPS, YOU WIN LETS GO.

PAGE 2


1 
Mike and Jude wander round an empty Trafalgar square

JUDE: NOT MUCH GOING ON ROUND HERE

MIKE: FANCY A MONOPOLY PUB CRAWL?


2 
On top of Nelson's column balances an alien space craft. Looking down on this from a great height the pair are very small. Jude looks up

JUDE: ERH MIKE THERE'S PLENTY GOING ON UP THERE

MIKE: DO NOT PASS GO


3 
Jude pulls out a the time travellator. He presses a button and the pair are enveloped in a swirling vortex

Sfx: KERTHWORP

JUDE: I KNOW WE SWORE WE'D NEVER USE THIS AGAIN

MIKE: WE HAVE TO, I AINT CLIMBING NO COLUMN THAT DOESN'T HAVE A VIEWING BAR AT THE TOP


4 
The pair materialise above the space craft in a swirling vortex and fall back down towards earth and the craft

MIKE: BIT HIGH MATE

JUDE: NOT HIGH ENOUGH THIS IS GOING TO HURT


5 
Mike finds an entry hatch on the space craft and prepares to enter it. Jude has walked to the precipice and it's mucking around

MIKE: WHAT CHA DOING?

JUDE: ITS SAYS HERE *MY OTHER CRAFT IS CIGAR SHAPED*


6 
Inside the craft Jude is shivering, Mike has seen something horrendous

JUDE: BLEEDING FREEZING IN HERE

MIKE: YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?


7 
A load of old wrinkled bodies in clear plastic bags hanging up frozen

JUDE: LOOKS LIKE SOME ONE'S ORDERED EARTH'S DELICACY

MIKE: YEAH A MEAT FEAST

PAGE 3


1 
The craft takes off and Mike and Jude are thrown back by the acceleration

JUDE: BETTER CALL THE PROFESSOR


2 
The space craft zooms away from Earth at a vast speed

MIKE: WELL LOOK OUT FOR A PAYPHONE THEN, HE'S WELL OUT OF RANGE


3 
Mike and Jude can be seen looking out of a porthole of the craft

JUDE: I SPY WITH MY LITTLE EYE SOMETHING BEGINNING WITH *S*?


4 
As the spacecraft journeys onwards a spec in the distance can be seen

MIKE: SPACE?, SOMETHING OUT THERE?, SPEC?, SOLID OBJECT?


5 
The mysterious object comes into view it is a good old fashioned wheel spoked space station

JUDE: NO, SPACE STATION

MIKE: STATION!


6 
Mike and Jude hide behind a potted palm in the space station

JUDE: ACT NORMALLY AND IF YOU CAN'T DO THAT TRY NONCHALANT

MIKE: WE'RE THE ONLY THINGS THAT DON'T LOOK LIKE AN AMATEUR COMIC ARTISTS CONVENTION


7 
The alien craft's pilot counts some money as two other aliens walk off with body bags from the space craft, over their shoulders

JUDE: UNBELIEVABLE HE SELLING ON THE CORPSES JUST LIKE.. MEAT

MIKE: SPOOKY

JUDE: D'YOU RECON THERE'S MONEY TO BE MADE HERE?

PAGE 4


1 
Mike and Jude scamper up the steps leading to the space craft they arrived in

JUDE: QUICK WE MUST PUT A STOP TO THIS

MIKE: COULDN'T WE JUST STEAL THE CARGO AND SELL IT ON OURSELVES?


2 
Jude leans against the door leading into the spacecraft to prevent anyone following him. Mike sabotages the electric lock jamming the door shut

Sfx: KERFIZZ

MIKE: THAT SHOULD HOLD THEM

JUDE: THEY'RE ALIENS THEY COULD BE CAPABLE OF ANYTHING

MIKE: NO THEY HAVEN'T INVENTED RIBBON CABLE OR TERMINAL BLOCKS.


3 
Mike and Jude stand on the craft's control deck. A mesmerizing and confusing set of controls lie in front of them

JUDE: DOES THE WINNER OF RISK, RISK MORE OR PLAY SAFER?


4 
Jude shields his eyes and presses a button randomly

JUDE: NAPOLEON SAID HE CHOSE HIS GENERALS FOR THEIR LUCK


5 
The craft launches immediately and soars off in space. The original alien owner of the craft hammers at the airlock door watching it disappear.

JUDE: WHEN HIS BOSS FINDS OUT HE LOST HIS CARGO HE'LL GET THE ELBOW

MIKE: MORE LIKE ELBA


6 
Mike and Jude stand in front of a 3D star chart

JUDE: GIVEN WE DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE OR HOW TO STEER, WHERE SHALL HE GO?


7 
The space craft heads towards a huge blazing sun

MIKE: ANYWHERE BUT THAT MOLTEN BALL OF LAVA REALLY

PAGE 5


1 
Mike and Jude hastily try to get the time travellator to work

JUDE: ITS FIELD ISN'T BIG ENOUGH TO TAKE THE WHOLE CRAFT

MIKE: HURRY UP I CAN HEAR GROANING NOISES


2 
The craft plunges in to the suns and is absorbed inconsequentially. A little puff of gas is all that can be seen

JUDE: EITHER IT'S CREAKING DUE TO EXPANSION

MIKE: OR THE CARGO IS WAKING UP


3 
Mike and Jude reappear in the Professor's office with their backs to his desk

Sfx: KERTHWORP

JUDE: FIRST IT'S TOO COLD

MIKE: NOW IT'S TOO HOT


4 
The Professor walks round talk to him

PROFESSOR: DIDN'T CATCH HIM THEN, WAS A LONG SHOT I SUPPOSE. HE WAS GOING WITH ALL OUR GREATEST MINDS ON AN EXCHANGE VISIT A LONG LONG WAY AWAY


5 
Mike and Jude look sheepish

MIKE: SO LONG HE WAS PUT IN SUSPENDED ANIMATION?


6 
The professor motions towards a beautiful woman in his office

PROFESSOR: YES. HE LEFT THIS PROTOTYPE FOR US TO TEST WITH. A PERFECT FEMBOT. BUT HE FORGOT TO LEAVE HER ACTIVATION PASSWORD


7 
Mike and Jude hit each other on the head

JUDE: PERFECT FEMBOT

MIKE: TEST PROTOTYPE

PROFESSOR: CORRECT BUT NO PASSWORD

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