| Script | Pun Ding | PunDing.com |

| gm clots | Gentlemen's Excuse Me | 1/5 | on 40202 | at punding.com |

Title: Gentlemen's Excuse Me

Series: Gm clots

Writer: P E Leody

SYNOPIS:

PAGE 1

Close up of a crab ready for action

MIKE: ON YOUR MARKS

Pull back to show the crab is submerged in a pint of beer

MIKE: GET SET

Mike has picked up the crab from the beer and placed it on to a table in a pub that is strewn with litter acting as obstacles

MIKE: GO

A close up of the table with the crab streaming forward watched by the heads of Mike and Jude, The Prof is just entering the scene

JUDE: TOLD YOU IT'D GO STRAIGHT IF INEBRIATED

MIKE: ITS COINCIDENCE

PROF: AHEM

Mike and Jude play pool, there is a large screen TV in the background

PROF: PLEASE REMEMBER WHY YOU'RE HERE

MIKE: BECAUSE THE FIRM WONT COUGH UP FOR DIGITAL TV

Jude and Mike talk

MIKE: SUPPOSE WE BETTER WATCH THIS DOCUMENTARY, WHAT'S IT ABOUT?

The pair engrossed in watching the TV

JUDE: IT FOLLOWS AN ENGLISH TENNIS STAR FROM BIRTH, TODAY HE'S IN THE GRAND SLAM FINAL

MIKE: NOW I BELIEVE A CRAB CAN WALK STRAIGHT

PAGE 2

The next morning Mike and Jude are playing tennis on a public court the Prof walks up

PROF: WELL

MIKE: IT WAS AN EASY VICTORY, THE GUY HAD NO BASELINE GAME

PROF: AND?

MIKE: DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT WAS TO BOOK A COURT AFTER HE WON

PROF: YOU REALISE THIS COUNTS AS A SPORT

JUDE: COURSE IT DOES NOW, WE'RE WORLD CHAMPIONS

The pair are preening themselves as the Prof speaks

PROF: THE DOCUMENTARY WAS MADE BY THE FOUNDER OF FASCO WHO NOW OWNS THE LARGEST COMPANY IN THE WORLD

MIKE: AND YOU WANT US TO GO UNDERCOVER

PROF: YES, TO FIND OUT HOW THEY ARE ALWAYS SO ACCURATE

JUDE: AND OF COURSE PICK UP ANY FREEBIES

Jude and Mike pose as cleaners in the FasCo building. Robert leads heated discussions behind closed doors

MIKE: HARDLY WHAT I HAD IN MIND

ROBERT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN CORD IS OUT, YESTERDAY YOU PREDICTED, FORGET THE BEAN COUNTERS I WANT FACTS

As they clean they are ordered from behind a locked door

ROBERT: OI YOU OUT THERE EVERY THINGS TO GO IN THAT BIFFA

Mike and Jude push their laden trolleys full of fashionable gear whist the racks are empty

MIKE: RESULT, THE PROF'LL BE HAPPY

JUDE: THEY WON'T FIT HES NOT A MEDIUM

PAGE 3

Mike holds his time distortion locating device talking to Jude

MIKE: HOW UNGRATEFUL CAN YOU BE

JUDE: THOSE RAGS WERE WORTH A FORTUNE

MIKE: THE PROF ACTUALLY WANTS TO KNOW THE SOURCE OF THEIR PREDICTIONS

JUDE: SEEMS TO BE COMING FROM NEXT DOOR

Mike and Jude are in a huge ware house of dummies the are swamped by them

MIKE: THERE'S TIME DISTORTION HERE BUT WE'LL NEVER LOCATE IT LIKE THIS

JUDE: CANT WE JUST SAY THEY HAVE A FENG SHUI EXPERT

Mike is hoisted up on the rafters by Jude with his monitoring device

MIKE: CRAFTY THERE'S A TIME MACHINE IS HIDDEN IN THAT BUG UGLY MANNEQUIN

Mike and Jude have the mannequin in bits and are adjusting

MIKE: SO WHAT ARE YOU SETTING IT TO?

JUDE: HOPEFULLY IT'LL RECORD A SERIES LINK OF 'BETTER BREWING IN BARNS' AND MAKE CRUMPETS

MIKE: I MEANT THE CHROMATIC CALIBRATION

JUDE: YEAH SO DID I

PAGE 4

The pair hide as Robert arrives in the building to address his staff

MIKE: QUICK HIDE

JUDE: YEAH, WE'LL NEVER PASS FOR MARKET RESEARCHERS

ROBERT: BEFORE WE START THIS MONTH'S FIELD TRIP, REMEMBER OUR OBSERVATIONS AFFECTS WHAT WE OBSERVE, SO DON'T FOUL YOUR OUR LAWN

ROBERT: SELECTION IS ON A RANDOM BASIS, YOU WILL EACH VISIT A TREND SINGULARITY FROM WHENCE YOU WILL COMPILE YOUR REPORT

A selected bunch of people disappear

MIKE: WHO HAVE THOUGHT IT?

MIKE: A PINNACLE OF SCIENCE BEING ABUSED BY MARKETERS

The marketers hold hands whilst in transit

ALL: ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ONE'S SELF

ROBERT: I'LL JUST CHECK THE COAST IS CLEAR

FORD: WE'RE 30, MILES FROM THE COAST

Robert walks out onto and apocalypse landscape

ROBERT: NOT ANY MORE, THE HORSE MEN OF THE APOCALYPSE HAVE RIDDEN THEIR GRAND NATIONAL

PAGE 5

The time machine returns back to the mannequin factory and the marketers run for their lives

ROBERT: ITS ALL POINTLESS FASHION IN THE FUTURE HAS NO MEANING

FORD: BLACK WILL BE THE NEW BLACK

ROBERT: YOU CLEANERS DISPOSE OF THAT ATROCITY EXHIBITION

Mike and Jude remove the time machine

MIKE: HOW SHOULD WE DISPOSE OF A CLASSY TIME MACHINE?

JUDE: THE PROF JUST SAID BRING DOWN THE CONGLOMERATE

A huge bonfire burns with the time machine as a guy

MIKE: SHOT DOWN IN FLAMES

JUDE: FASTER THAN FASCO'S SHARE PRICE

The Prof plays Mike at tennis with Jude umpiring it is on the cleaned up apocalypse landscape that the marketers thought was an apocalypse

PROF: SO A TIME MACHINE DIVERTED TO A WAREHOUSE DRESSED AS AN APOCALYPSE SCENE,

MIKE: MINIMUM LEASE 6 MONTHS SO WE'VE NOW OUR OWN TENNIS COURT

JUDE: THE FIRST TIME FASHION'S BEEN THE VICTIM.

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