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| chronicle | Last Doomed Ark | 2/5 | on 30930 | at punding.com |

Title: Last Doomed Ark

Series: Chronicle

Writer: P E Leody

SYNOPIS:

PAGE 1

This page is actually a film being watched as is revealed in the final frame, occasionally dark silhouetted heads break up the other frames

Horatio is in the archetypal tomb. His hand holds an orange

HORATIO: JUICING ORANGE, WEIGHT 125 G, AGE 6 MONTHS, 3 FOR A £1

Horatio holds a massive gem he has swapped with the orange

HORATIO: KEFLER AMETHYST, WEIGHT 124 G, AGED TIMELESS, PRICELESS

Horatio substitutes the orange for the gem on it's resting place

HORATIO: PROPER JOB!

Horatio pockets the gem in his arm held bag

HORATIO: IF I WASN'T SO GOOD

In the distance a typical bobby trapped rolling boulder looms forward

HORATIO: I'D CONSIDER THIS TOO EASY

Horatio runs from the huge boulder

HORATIO: I THOUGHT THIS ONLY HAPPENED IN THE MOVIES

Horatio is seen to be presenting a film of the previous frame's exploits to a class

HORATIO: AND THE MORAL OF THIS STORY IS?

PONTIAC: DON'T WASTE YOUR FRUIT?

Sfx: RING

HORATIO: ASSEMBLE 9 AM TOMORROW FOR YOUR SCHOOL TRIP WITH PASSPORTS.

PAGE 2

At the airport Horatio bookings his students at on flight. To cut down on costs he has them kneeling behind their suitcases feigning their age.

HORATIO: ONE AND 6 HALVES TO DEEPEST PERU. I'M TAKING THE LOCAL CHILDREN'S HOME ON A VOYAGE TO FIND AUNT LUCY.

CHECKIN GIRL: OH HOW NICE. YOU QUALIFY FOR OUR 'GOOD SAMARITAN' BONUS SCHEME. ALL YOUR WARDS CAN BE UPGRADE TO CLUB CLASS

HORATIO: COULDN'T YOU JUST BOOST ME TO FIRST INSTEAD?

Having landed in a country that is not Peru Horatio flags down a bus

HORATIO: DRIVER I COMMANDEER THIS BUS FOR AN EMERGENCY ALL MY WARDS MUST BE TAKEN TO THE HOSPITAL

Having driven out of sight the wards repaint the bus, with a 'Swedish Meatball Roadshow' logo down it's side.

The party all don long haired fair wigs

HORATIO: REMEMBER THE KEY TO BEING INCONSPICUOUS IS WEARING NATIONAL DRESS.

Having reached their destination the bus is scuttled in a lake and they lug heavy equipment. Horatio who stands with a pick axe.

HORATIO: HAVING REACHED THEIR DESTINATION THE BUS IS SCUTTLED IN A LAKE AND THEY LUG HEAVY EQUIPMENT. HORATIO WHO STANDS WITH A PICK AXE.

PAGE 3

Horatio finds his destination dig it is filled with rotten desolate structures

HORATIO: WE'RE HERE. PONTIAC SEE WHAT YOU CAN FIND IN THE LITERATURE

Pontiac ponders over a stone carving

PONTIAC: THE EMPERORS TOMB CAN ONLY BE LOCATED BY THE DISPARAGING STAFF

The gang stand around the sight as Horatio operates a military sighting device to shortcut not having the staff

HORATIO: NO TIME FOR THAT, THIS HI TECH CAVITY RESONATOR'LL CUT IT DOWN TO A LOAD OF SHORT LISTS

Horatio raises his pick axe

Caption: SEVERAL HOURS LATER

HORATIO: BINGO!

Horatio hands out the cigars

HORATIO: EXCELLENT WORK CLASS YOU'LL ALL GET BS

They break into a tomb festooned with glittering prizes

HORATIO: I TAKE THAT BACK, YOU'LL GET A'S

The group fill up a skip with treasures

HORATIO: IN FACT I'LL LET YOU SEE THE EXAM PAPER AHEAD OF TIME IF YOU FILL THIS SKIP

PAGE 4

A massive search force of planes, tanks search aimlessly for kids and swedes with expired visas. The party run over the hills like in the sound of music

HORATIO: COME ON CLASS 'ONCE MORE WITH FEELING'

PONTIAC: YOODLE-LE-EH-HOO

Horatio is strewn over a chair sipping on the finer things of life

It is revealed Horatio is sitting on a huge boat, the students are rowing him.

HORATIO: THIS SHIP MAY BEEN SCRUMPED FROM A MUSEUM BUT IT FAIRLY SHIFTS. I FEEL THERE'S A BOOK IN THIS ABOUT RECREATING OLD VOYAGES

Box out of the students rowing

Back home, the students unload the booty into a lock up under a railway bridge arches

HORATIO: WE'LL STORE IT HERE AND START THE EVALUATION AFTER HOURS. THERE'S EXTRA CREDIT TO BE HAD

As Horatio walks into the lockup the place is lit up he has walked into a trap.

POLICEMAN: YOU'RE NICKED

PAGE 5

Horatio is tied to chair in a government building

POLICEMAN: THE CHARGES ARE THEFT, DECEPTION, INCITING CRIMINAL BEHAVIOUR, AIRLINE FRAUD, BUS HIJACKING, SAID VEHICLE DISPOSAL, SLANDERING SWEDEN, SLAVE LABOUR, DESECRATING, ENCOURAGING SMOKING, BREACH OF MUSICAL COPYRIGHT, HERITAGE DESTRUCTION, DRIVING A FILTHY WHITE VAN AND WEARING A TRILBY IN THE DESERT

Horatio rattles the bars of his cell

POLICEMAN: YOU'RE GOING AWAY FOR A LONG TIME

HORATIO: HOW ABOUT A DEAL? I'VE SOME NICE BRACELETS…

Horatio signs a confession

POLICEMAN: SIGN THIS SCUM, YOU'RE OURS NOW, YOUR FINISHED

The interrogator try to drag Horatio away but he clings forlornly onto his cell

HORATIO: I'M AN ADVENTURER, I'M NO DOING THE LECTURE CIRCUIT, I'D RATHER ROT IN THIS CELL.

POLICEMAN: TOUGH

As page 1 frame 1, Horatio holds and orange

HORATIO: JUICING ORANGE, WEIGHT 125 G, AGE 6 MONTHS, 3 FOR A £1

Horatio stands in front of a crowded class he smashes his hand onto the orange and it spills all it's juices everywhere

HORATIO: IMAGINE THAT'S YOUR HEAD, WELL THIS IS YOUR HEAD IN THE SUN. ALWAYS WEAR A HAT.

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