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| ignore alien orders | Crazee Gulf | 1/5 | on 30609 | at punding.com |

Title: Crazee Gulf

Series: Ignore alien orders

Writer: P E Leody

SYNOPIS:

PAGE 1

A UFO approaches earth

A very English posh country gold club, in the sky is the UFO

Helmut wheels his club set from his car to the first tee. In the sky is the UFO

Sfx: WHIRRR!

HELMUT: I LOVE THE SMELL OF PLUS FOURS ON A SUNDAY. I SEVERELY HOPE THAT RACKET WILL NOT BE CONTINUING

Helmut tees off with his playing partner Gerry in the background. The UFO gets closer.

Sfx: WHIRRR!

HELMUT: FORE

GERRY: ANYONE FLYING THAT CLOSE TO THE GROUND OUGHT TO EXPECT A BIT OF SHRAPNEL

Helmut putts for the whole, the UFO has landed and an alien approaches them

HELMUT: PEACE AT LAST

An alien points a gun at Helmut hunched over his shot

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

PAGE 2

Gerry attracts distracts the alien who is pointing his gun at Gerry himself lining up his putt

GERRY: STEADY ON OLD CHAP

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

The alien nows points his weapon at Gerry as Helmut sinks his putt

Sfx: KERPLINK

GERRY: SEE THAT’S WHAT WE CALL GRACE UNDER PRESSURE

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

Gerry lines up his putt, Helmut offers the flag to the alien

HELMUT: HERE MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

Gerry sinks his putt whilst a bemused alien holds the flag

Sfx: KWACK

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

The ball goes down the hole

Sfx: KERPLINK

GERRY: THAT’S EVENS

Helmut takes the flag pole off the alien

HELMUT: COME ON SHAKE A TENTACLE OLD MAN, THERES OTHER BEHIND US,

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

PAGE 3

The alien craft is parked right next to the tee off for the next hole

HELMUT: I SAY YOU COULDN'T POSSIBLE SHIFT THE RUST BUCKET COULD YOU? NOT REALLY MEANT TO PARK ALL THE WAY OUT HERE

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

The craft takes off, Helmut watches as Gerry tees off, the alien is frustrated

Sfx: KERWOOSH

HELMUT: WATCH THE WIND GERRY THE UPDRAFT OF THAT TAKE OFF HAS CREATED A MICROCLIMATE

GERRY: WILL DO

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

The alien is left to pick up the sunken ball from the hole, whilst Helmut and Gerry drive off to the 10th tee.

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

HELMUT: SO WE STILL EVENS AFTER 9 SHALL WE INVITE OUR FRIEND FOR A COMPETITIVE SECOND HALF?

GERRY: SURE THING

Helmut tosses a coin, the Alien watches

HELMUT: SO IF YOU WIN WE'LL GIVE YOU A FAIR HEARING OF YOUR DEMANDS. HEADS OR TAILS

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

HELMUT: BIT CLOSE TO CALL THAT ONE

PAGE 4

The alien is reading a book on golf lore, Gerry caddies, and Helmut tees off

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

The alien speaking directly to Helmut mid flow, causes him to miss hit

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

HELMUT: REALLY OLD MAN NO NOISES DURING THE SENTENCE OF THE SHOT. I'VE HOOKED THAT BADLY.

An insert of the ball disappearing into the woods.

The alien tees off with a certain style and lands the ball on the green. From the wood Helmut does the same

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

HELMUT: NOT TOO SHABBY, MY FRIEND

Helmut landing the ball in the water as the alien keeps nattering

HELMUT: OUCH!

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

Helmut landing the ball in a bunker as the alien keeps nattering

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

HELMUT: WHOOPSADAISY

Helmut pitches the ball over the flag

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

HELMUT: FIDDLESTICKS

PAGE 5

Helmut in a bunker can just see the flag over a few mounds. The alien watches

Caption: THE 18TH

HELMUT: SO IT'S BEEN PRETTY CLOSE ALL THINGS CONSIDERED

ALIEN: &&^%^%£$

Helmut sinks the beautiful shot

HELMUT: BUT THAT’S MY MATCH WINNER

Gerry talks to the alien whilst Helmut collects his ball

GERRY: NICELY PLAYED, BUT NEVER HOPE TO BEAT AN ENGLISH MAN WITH A PITCHING WEDGE AND A DEFICIT THIS CLOSE TO THE CLUB HOUSE

Gerry and Helmut wheel their kit back to the car, there is a members only sign

HELMUT: SPEAKING AS AN AMBASSADOR FOR THE GLOBALISM OF THIS SPORT, THE LOCALS HAVE GOT TO REALISE THE DAYS OF ELITISM IN THEIR CLUBS IS OVER.

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